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[enveloped]

—

10:55 am

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[enveloped]

You want Mexican. Mexican is your favourite. You've been talking about Mexican for days.

We are getting Mexican. That's final.

[bardish]

...you're turning Mexican food into a threat, Cam. Are you okay? We really don't have to get it!

[enveloped]

I'm fine! Can you please order the tacos?

And maybe one churro. A singular churro. We can share it.

[A pause. He is strong. He has survived wars, terrorism, and natural disaster without caving under pressure.]

No. No churro. I don't need it.

[bardish]

But you like churros...

[ HELP, HE'S SO CONFUSED. It's not that Jeff doesn't get eating for needs instead of wants. He does it all the time for himself! But Cam enjoys food in a way that Jeff doesn't, SO WHY IS HE TALKING LIKE THIS? ]

Should I be asking you about your macro goals or something?

[enveloped]

I would like a churro, yes. But I don't need a churro right now.

[Jeff, he's trying so hard, he only has so much willpower.]

... What are macro goals?

[bardish]

It's like... Protein, fat, and carbs? How many grams you're shooting for, or a general ratio...

Whaaaaat exactly are you looking to achieve with this newfound diet?

[enveloped]

I'm not on a diet.

[He is so on a diet.]

I want to be healthier. That's all.

[bardish]

Okay, okay, no diet in sight!

[ You are SO on a diet, Cam!! ]

So no churros, no chips, and no tortillas! Anything else?

[enveloped]

Guac doesn't have carbs does it?

[Let him enjoy one thing.]

What about sangria?

[bardish]

You definitely don't need to worry about guacamole, babe.

[ JEFF WOULDN'T BE SO OBSESSED WITH AVOCADOS IF THEY WERE HIGH CARB!! ]

Sangria, ahhh... I think that's really loaded with sugar? So... [ NO SANGRIA 4 U. ] It's more of a sometimes drink!

[enveloped]

Really? It's not that sweet... maybe some sangria is better than others.

[A heavy, long-suffering sigh.]

How often is sometimes?

[bardish]

I thought it was like wine, fruit juice, and sugar? [ Pause. ] I mean, I hardly ever drink, so what do I know!

Sometimes like... Think of your nutrition goals in terms of money that you're trying to budget. Sangria would be that occasional splurge that you save for.

[ Keyword: OCCASIONAL. ]

[enveloped]

It’s something like that.

[That’s… exactly what sangria is. No wonder it’s delicious.

It’s a good thing Jeff can’t see Cam’s face. He’s looking at his wine cabinet with a thousand-yard stare.]

Maybe I’ll skip the guacamole.

[bardish]

...not to be a total killjoy or anything, but if it's a choice between guacamole and sangria, you're better off with the guac...

[ That being said: ]

But it totally depends on your ultimate goal here!

[ "Healthier" is kind of nebulous AND CAM DOESN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT MACROS!! ]

[enveloped]

Darling, would you please just order the tacos?

[God, this is a conversation he doesn’t want to be having with Jeff. Because Jeff is the person he’s attempting to lose those last few inches for.

Cam doesn’t like to be seen struggling. He’s a man who excels at most things he does. Anything less than success is failure.

That, and he’s starting to get hangry.]

I’ll have whatever you’re having.

[bardish]

Wait, so you do want tortillas and guacamole now? Because I'm getting --

[ JEFF, STOP BEFORE CAM DECIDES TO EAT YOU INSTEAD. ]

Okay okay nevermind, I'm ordering the tacos now!

[enveloped]

Thank you. I should be there by seven. I’m just finishing up at the gym.

[Yes he’s been working out for most of this conversation. Thanks Rivertooth.]

Is there anything you need me to pick up on the way?

[bardish]

Oh! You're at the gym! [ CLARITY DAWNS UPON HIM. ] Ohhhh...

That's why you're so cranky right now...

[ Er. ]

I don't need anything. Just you! Have a good workout!!

[enveloped]

I am not cranky!

[The clank of something being dropped. AKA someone just let go of the machine they were bent over.]

I love the gym. I am having a good time.

[bardish]

That's the spirit! Positive thinking!

[ IF YOU KEEP SAYING IT, ONE DAY IT WILL BE TRUE!!

That's Jeff Calhoun and his relentless supportiveness for you. ]

[enveloped]

[Cam buries his face into his towel, smothering his frustration.

He loves his boyfriend, he does, but-

Wait, loves him? That’s it. He’s suffered too much emotional stress for one day. A man can only take so much before he snaps.]

Order me a churro.

[bardish]

[ DEMANDING CHURROS IS A STRANGE WAY OF EXPRESSING YOUR LOVE, CAM.]

...you are sending so many mixed signals tonight...

[enveloped]

I'm sorry. I've had a very difficult day.

[Between work, weight loss, and being personally victimized by Jeff Calhoun (who he might love), Cam wants to go home, change into athleisure, stuff a churo into his face and cry into a glass of wine.]

[bardish]

[ Awww, babe. HE'LL ORDER THAT CHURRO FOR YOU. And a sangria-- just in case!-- and pick some tacos that are both healthy and to Cam's taste! ]

Well. I'll do my best to turn it around, then.

[enveloped]

[Jeff is so impossibly sweet. Cam mops his forehead, leaning back against the shoulder press with a sigh.]

You already have.

[A pause.]

I want to see you more than I want to eat tacos.

[And that's saying something.]