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[enveloped]

—

10:55 am

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[bardish]

I promise, you look amazing even with bedhead and an ungroomed beard...

[ You don't need to do much before a run, Cam!

Jeff sighs, considering the original question. Like with so many of his issues, Jeff has a tendency to just SHOVE IT TO THE MENTAL BACKBURNER and focus on other things until called out. So... ]

I only really get tired at the end of work. Then I go to the gym and that takes care of it. [ Breaking news: addict in recovery swaps drugs with fitness; doesn't solve the underlying issues. ] It's not pathological to get up at 5 am, Cam! I get more done!

[enveloped]

You're sweet.

[He really is. Cam thinks again that he might love this man, and sighs.]

I worry about you. You're always burning the candle at both ends.

[bardish]

[ 'Sweet.' Jeff smiles to himself. And usually he's the one doing the worrying. It's actually nice, hearing it from someone else, even if he's not sure there's anything to worry about. ]

I dunno, it's just... It's my routine, you know? With Mel, and work, I always had to--

[ He stops himself before he gets to the root of it, because it's dangerously close to coming to the surface, escaping that backburner he shoved it onto. Jeff's trying to keep his hours as a single dad with a job that starts early... only with no daughter and a more relaxed workplace and way more free time than he's used to. ]

It's fine. Don't worry about it.

[enveloped]

Don't tell me what to worry about.

[Jeff might change his mind about that.]

You have the opportunity to take some time for yourself here. I think you should.

[bardish]

[ OH NO, CAM'S STILL HANGRY. Good thing he ordered the tacos already. Thanks, delivery apps!

Gingerly: ]

Well...

Historically, I have not been my best when taking time for myself.

[enveloped]

Historically.

We can't live in the past, Jeff. Or the future. Only the present.

You're not the same person you were. Things won't turn out the same way, even if you tried to recreate them exactly. You're in your forties now. A father.

And you have me.

[bardish]

I know, but it's like-- [ Huff! FINE. TIME TO OPEN THE FLOODGATES: ] I feel like a fucking Jenga tower! Like I spent years building something stable, and now I'm pulling the foundation out piece by piece!

I'm terrified of pulling the wrong piece and sending all my shit crashing down. [ He groans, pressing his fingers to his eyes. ] Ever since the ghosts in the fucking forest...

[ The ghosts didn't cause this, no, but they dredged all these fears out, front and center. ]

I like my routine. It helps.

[enveloped]

Darling, if you're afraid changing your routine will send all your shit crashing down...

[It means Jeff's only coping with his problems, and they're still largely unsolved.

Cam's dressed and ready to his the road now, slamming his locker shut.]

I'm not telling you to change your routine, if it's the routine you want for yourself. I just don't want you to feel like you're a slave to that routine, or it's the only option.

We probably shouldn't be having this conversation over the phone. It deserves a face to face discussion, if it's a discussion you want to have.

[A pause, and there's a funny noise as Cam's walking out into the street.]

God, I'm hungry. You ordered a churro, right?

[bardish]

[ He breathes out, nods, REMEMBERS CAM CAN'T SEE HIM OVER THE PHONE AND ADDS: ]

Yeah, this really isn't a phone kinda conversation. Let's get back to tacos! Or-- ooh! Phone sex!

And I totally ordered you a churro. And a sangria. You don't have to drink it if you don't want to, but I know how much you love them, and you seemed to be having an annoying time at the gym, so...

[enveloped]

I'm not sure you have the attention span for phone sex.

[A low chuckle. He's teasing. Cam would hotline bling Jeff any day.]

Thank you. One day off won't hurt... Right?

[bardish]

Hey, I'm not that easily distract-- oooh! I just saw a really cool bird outside!

[ HE'S KIDDING. ]

Yeah. Just a day! Then we can double down tomorrow!

[ Is Jeff really excited to do fitness with his boyfriend? YOU BET YOUR ASS HE IS. ]

[enveloped]

[Cam laughs, because he thinks Jeff is both funny and adorable.]

Darling, can I ask you something? Promise you'll answer me truthfully.

[bardish]

[ Jeff blinks, UNSURE IF THIS IS GOING TO BE A GOOD QUESTION OR A BAD QUESTION. ]

You can ask me anything.

[enveloped]

Do I look like I've lost weight?

[Asks the man who's been dieting all of... a week.]

[bardish]

[ IT'S A TRAP. ABORT, ABORT. ]

You look... as fit and handsome as the first time we met...

[enveloped]

I've been working out almost every day of the week!

[bardish]

You know the saying "It's a marathon, not a sprint?" It takes more than-- wait, why do you suddenly want to lose weight, anyway?

[enveloped]

To look good for you.

1/3

[bardish]

[ Somehow, he can just SEE the terror-inducing, cold, 'mean hot dad' look on Cam's face as he says that. ]

Me? But I didn't-- I don't-- [ JEFF ALREADY THINKS YOU'RE THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE RIGHT NOW, WITH THE AMOUNT OF JUNK YOU'VE CURRENTLY GOT IN YOUR TRUNK. ]

2/3

[bardish]

No. [ Time to get firm and put his foot down! FIRMLY. ] I will not be the reason you give up chocolate and wine and any other food you like! You're laying so much responsibility and inevitable resentment on me, and I didn't even ask you to go on a diet or lose any weight and it's not fair, man, you can't--

[ ABRUPT STOP. ]

3/3

[bardish]

[ Now there's nothing but concern and worry in his voice: ] Wait, did I do something to make you feel bad about yourself?

[enveloped]

No. Never mind. I don't want to talk about it.

[Now he's just really, really embarrassed, because Jeff is right and none of this is his responsibility, and if Cam is being a witch about food because he can't live a goddamn day without a chocolate bar, or drop a few pounds without drama, that's his problem.]

You didn't do anything.

[bardish]

No, come on, don't change the subject. [ He doesn't sound impatient or irritable or anything, just concerned. ] Why's your weight bothering you?

[enveloped]

Because you have the perfect body, and I don't, and I don't want you to become bored, or unsatisfied, or think I don't take care of myself, or try to become better, because I'm lazy and selfish and don't care about your needs.

[Jeff can hear the increasing tension/emotion in his voice, the way it gets higher and tighter as he works himself up into somewhere close to tears.]

I know I'm not fat, or hideous, but if I could just stop eating so much I would have a flat stomach, and look younger, fitter--

1/2

[bardish]

Okay-- Cam-- Shh.

[ YOU'RE WORKING YOURSELF UP AND IT'S WORRYING. ]

Flattering as it is to hear I have the perfect body, you know I work out so much because I like doing it, right? Not because I think everyone needs to look like...

[ No, he's not explaining it well. ]

How could I ever think you're lazy or selfish? You're the most selfless person I know, and you work so hard, and I like that you can appreciate food the way you do! [ He thinks it's cute!! ] I don't want to date a guy who's just like me!

You're sexy to me. Not the guys I lift with at the gym.