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Cameron Waltz ([personal profile] enveloped) wrote2018-08-07 12:05 pm

IC INBOX

10:55 am
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bardish: 40s; JUSTIFIED (441)

[personal profile] bardish 2018-09-04 09:02 pm (UTC)(link)
[ He lets out a low, soft laugh. ] What puffy eyes?

[ SEE. He knows how to play dumb.

And then it's time for a chagrined: ]


Uhhh... yeah. Sometimes I have trouble sleeping. And lately that sometimes is, uh... more often?

[ Pause. ]

Except for the night you stayed over. That was nice.
bardish: 40s; JUSTIFIED (394)

[personal profile] bardish 2018-09-04 09:27 pm (UTC)(link)
[ He's tempted to deny, like this is just some mysterious quirk of his, but come on. Cam's somebody Jeff really wants to be able to be open with.

Like, really open. Not open in an edited kind of way. ]


I do, yeah. It's been a thing for a long time. [ He groans and flops back against his pillows, looking up at the ceiling as he holds his phone to his ear. ] Usually not this bad though. A little exercise, a little weed, and that tends to take care of it...

[ And now he's smiling, letting out a little pleasant hum as if he has to think on it. ]

Maybe I should go to your place. Since I woke you up and all.
bardish: 40s; JUSTIFIED (144)

[personal profile] bardish 2018-09-04 09:42 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks.

[ Already, he can feel some of his own tension relaxing when Cam says he wants to help. Fuck, that gets him so warm and fuzzy-- Cam gets him warm and fuzzy, even if they haven't really known each other for that long.

It's just been so long since Jeff's met anyone who got him feeling this way, with that whole spark of fresh romance. ]


Tea would be nice. I'll bring you chocolate and blowjobs.

[ WINK. Oh wait, Cam can't see that wink. Whatever, it was a serious promise, anyway!

And here's Jeff pulling on some real pants so he can head out to Cam's apartment. ]
Edited 2018-09-04 21:43 (UTC)
bardish: 40s; JUSTIFIED (192)

[personal profile] bardish 2018-09-04 09:54 pm (UTC)(link)
[ As he's getting his shoes on: ]

Deal. Talking, then blowjobs. [ Looks like they've got a packed night now! It's just a shame this all had to start at, uhhh... 3 am?? ] Chai sounds great. I love your chai.

[ Teasingly, he adds, as he's making sure he's respectable enough to leave the apartment: ] Better than Starbucks.
bardish: 40s; JUSTIFIED (347)

[personal profile] bardish 2018-09-04 10:16 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm hurrying! Though the prospect of kissing you awake is pretty appealing...

[ But Jeff's out the door and-- after a quick stop at a 24/7 shop between his apartment and Cam's (gotta get that chocolate)-- he's at Cam's building and ready to be buzzed up in no time.

Look, he's got long legs. Great for getting places fast.

Once we skip past all the going upstairs, knocking on the door, etc stuff, Jeff's greeting Cam with a kiss, and he's got two chocolate bars in hand, just for Cam.

They're even kinda fancy! Well, he thinks he might be. They're not any brand he recognizes, but he was assured it's some good stuff, from another planet...

(It is, in fact, some good stuff, don't worry.)

He takes in Cam's appearance, the lingering sleepiness, the comfy housecoat and slippers, and he's smiling, warm and fond, at the other man. ]


You are so not a night owl. [ That's not an insult! ] It's cute.
Edited 2018-09-04 22:17 (UTC)
bardish: 40s; JUSTIFIED (144)

[personal profile] bardish 2018-09-04 11:29 pm (UTC)(link)
[ Jeff slips his arms around Cam's waist, under the housecoat, hugging him close as Cam nuzzles against his neck. This is nice, a casual intimacy he hasn't had in years. He could stand here and hold Cam all night.

Except, you know, that would be a deflection from his own issues, just like a blowjob would be. ]


Mm. [ Jeff tilts his head, pressing his face to Cam's hair. ] At least insomnia has its perks. Tea and a hot guy.
bardish: 40s; JUSTIFIED (444)

[personal profile] bardish 2018-09-05 12:02 am (UTC)(link)
[ Oh man, this couch is comfy. Jeff's happy to sink down on it and lean against Cam, tea in hand.

He likes this. He could get used to having this like... regularly. Domesticity. Casual intimacy. Just being with someone.

Jeff looks at Cam, inhales, then shifts his gaze down to his tea. ]


Oh, uh. It's been on and off since rehab. [ CASUALLY DROPPING THAT TIDBIT IN. ] Insomnia, nightmares... Usually it's more 'off' than 'on,' at least until a couple weeks ago, when we... ah. You know.
bardish: 40s; IANF (timothy038)

[personal profile] bardish 2018-09-05 12:37 am (UTC)(link)
[ Jeff takes a sip of the tea, then lowers the mug, his fingers drumming against it. ]

I guess it did.

[ Reluctant, and a total understatement. Jeff blinks, thinking, even though he knows the answer already. ]

Worse.

[ Because he could at least distract himself in the immediate aftermath with making sure Athena was okay, or Cam, or check in on any other person in his life. But that could only work for so long. ]

It's fine. Really. I probably wasn't in the best place to talk about it, anyway.

[ And notice how he's still SOOOORT OF STALLING. Talking around it rather than going into it. ]
bardish: 40s; JUSTIFIED (405)

[personal profile] bardish 2018-09-05 01:08 am (UTC)(link)
[ Jeff breathes, because he could mince words all night if Cam gave him the chance, but it's getting harder to dance around it.

It helps when Cam takes his hand. That gives him the resolve to at least look at the other man. ]


Singing. [ He frowns a little. ] I don't really, literally hear it, I mean-- because it's a dream and all-- but I know it's there. This song, I'm singing it-- usually a younger me. Like, uh. When we met before...

[ Like the shade in the forest. ]

I know it's the last song I ever wrote, the one I'm singing in the dream. And then I'm not in control anymore, like something else took the wheel, and all I can do is watch.

[ He rubs his eyes tiredly. ]

The details are always different, but that's pretty much how it goes, usually.

[ There's a pause before he adds: ]

I'm a burnout, Cam. A total fucking burnout. There's a reason I couldn't cast anything when we were out in the woods.
bardish: 40s; JUSTIFIED (406)

[personal profile] bardish 2018-09-05 01:36 am (UTC)(link)
[ Jeff hadn't even realized he'd been getting agitated as he spoke, antsy tapping with his fingers, a bit of jitteriness in his legs. He doesn't realize it until Cam's kissing him and he feels some sense of calm draping over him. He closes his eyes, feeling, in the moment, like it's just the two of them. Just Jeff and Cam, and no specters of his past.

He looks at Cam, and he can see compassion and tenderness in him. Jeff trusts him... but there's still a voice that tells him all that will change once Cam learns what kind of person he really is.

As if the forest hadn't done that already. ]


Not the singing, exactly. The ritual. [ He pauses, trying to work the words out in his head before he explains. ] I wasn't at drug rehab. I mean, that was part of my treatment plan, but. Ah... It was a recovery center for, like, magic related shit. [ He cringes a little. ] Inpatient care for Gifted fuckups.

I used to cast all the time. You remember it, at my show, right?
bardish: 40s; JUSTIFIED (445)

[personal profile] bardish 2018-09-05 05:31 am (UTC)(link)
[ He leans against Cam, the touch welcome. ]

My shows, all that magic, the crowds feeding into the rituals, it-- I kind of... [ Fuck, this is hard, because it's painful, all the memories surrounding it are painful. And it's shameful, too, how stupid and reckless he'd been, because this kind of shit doesn't just happen to 99.9% of Gifted people in the first place. But here comes Jeff, world champion at fucking up. ] I kind of... accidentally... pulled a demon to me.

[ Oddly, it was easier to mention that to Alex-- somebody with experience with the fuckers, but not from his world-- than to Cam. He laughs, dry and humorless, and adds: ]

It said it was my biggest fan. I still remember that. The first thing it ever said to me... [ Jeff pauses, brow furrowed as he thinks back on it. ] It's like something takes up residence in your head. And you're pretty sure it's not you, but sometimes you wonder: "Is this me? Am I just crazy?"
Edited (I hate phone tagging) 2018-09-05 21:48 (UTC)
bardish: 40s; SCD (scd108)

[personal profile] bardish 2018-09-05 11:11 pm (UTC)(link)
[ He manages to set his mug on the coffee table before Cam pulls him into a hug. Usually, Jeff's the one doing the holding and hugging. Not with Cam, but just. In the past, in his relationships or friendships or even the casual hookups. He's pretty good at being emotional support for others, he figures, and he keeps the really serious stuff so close to his chest that he doesn't often need to lean on others, anyway.

He hadn't realized just how badly he needed this until Cam's holding him, how much of a relief it is that he can just close his eyes and press his face to the other man's shoulder, breathe him in and listen to his words. He slips his arms around Cam, relaxing. It's a load off to just to be able to talk about this, not just with another person, but with Cam, specifically.

The only thing he says, he murmurs into Cam's shoulder: ]
Music was my whole life. [ And after that thing was through with him, he had to make a life out of anything but music. And he tried to shrug off all the shit that was said in the forest, but he still can't shake the specter of himself, questioning if it's really recovery at all, when you deny what makes you you.

Jeff opens his eyes and lifts his head as Cam talks about his gift. He has little experience with Affinities, and shadow magic in particular... Cam's the only person he's ever even met who could use it. He'd only ever assumed it was about the same as any other Gifted person's magic.

He stares at Cam for a few moments, digesting that. Even if Cam's voice was soft, there's a weight to what he said, a significance to it that Jeff just wants to cherish. ]
I don't know how you do it. [ There's awe and admiration, as if he's never met a man like Cameron Waltz before. ] How you can look at that kind of darkness and stand up to it.

[ Jeff never could. There's that deep, dark secret of his. The only reason the demon didn't get everything it wanted wasn't because Jeff was stronger than it; it was because he'd been too weak. Which he's thankful for, absolutely. But he'll never forget that he would have summoned it properly if he could've, if only to get it out of his goddamn head. ]
Edited (WORD TWEAK) 2018-09-05 23:44 (UTC)
bardish: 40s; JUSTIFIED (347)

[personal profile] bardish 2018-09-06 12:14 am (UTC)(link)
I was angry for a long time, too. Growing up, hearing all the stereotypes. Knowing people expected the worst from you. [ Now he defies people's expectations, but in the past? He lived up to the worst of what people expected from bards. Jeff starts to smile. ] I don't see a curse when I look at your shadow. For what it's worth.

[ The offer has his smile broadening. He feels lighter now than he has in days. Jesus, he could even fall asleep at this rate. ]

Keep talking like that, and I just might find it in me to serenade you. [ For now, though, he'll just kiss Cam. ]

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