[ It's funny, Jeff spent so long denying, or hating, the person he'd been-- that utterly reckless musician with dreams of fame-- that he can't quite reconcile the version of himself Cam describes with the shade in the forest. But he trusts Cam, whose perspective hasn't been tainted by trauma and all kinds of fucked up shit.
It's a little bittersweet to hear. He wonders, sometimes, more often than he'd care to admit, whether he could've made it. If he had that lighting strike combo of skill, talent, and the 'it' factor, or if that crash and burn into failure was always inevitable. He would've fallen hard into addiction either way, he's sure. But the way Cam describes him, he thinks that version of Jeff Calhoun could've gone far.
Is it really recovery to give up such a big part of yourself?
He still can't stop thinking about that, even now. Even after last night's talk. The fucking forest... It stirred up so many things he thought were long gone and buried.
There's something like grief and regret that flickers across his face, just for a moment, before Jeff's shaking it off with a smile. ]
You might be the only person who remembers that version of me. [ A beat. ] I'm glad someone does.
[ This is in danger of getting too heavy for Jeff. Like he already had enough of the heavy shit last night, and he doesn't want to fling more at Cam.
So, teasingly: ] Hey... Don't I owe you a blowjob?
[Cam looks back up, smiling. He isn't going to go there if Jeff isn't in the mood, after last night Cam could use some lightness too, but he can't just leave it at that.
He's always felt a need to express himself, even at his own detriment. Cam is too much about communication to be happy withholding his thoughts and emotions from his partner.]
You're still that person, Jeff. We don't become other people as we get older. We simply expand and evolve. So now you're a rock-star, father, and teacher, which makes you even more interesting and attractive than you already were.
You've never been sexier.
[He punctuates that statement with a kiss to the tip of Jeff's nose, hands squeezing his shoulders.]
I would love a blowjob, but I think you owe me breakfast, first. I'll need my energy if you expect me to stay awake after coming so early in the morning.
[Stated very matter of factly. As one does when discussing morning sex.]
[ Jeff goes quiet for a few moments, though the pensive expression breaks when Cam kisses his nose, a bright smile blooming in its place. ]
It's not an age thing. It's... the other stuff. You know?
[ The way the drugs and the demon tainted everything good about that period in his life. Still... He can't pretend it doesn't feel good, the hearing the way Cam sees him, then and now. Maybe his approach had been all wrong, burying that part of himself that wanted nothing more than to shine brighter than everyone else. ]
I guess I forgot the good things about the rock star. [ He leans up to kiss Cam, lips lingering close. ] Until you reminded me.
[ Pause. Oh, breakfast, right. ]
Oh, shit! The eggs, yeah! We gotta eat before it gets cold!
[ Sliding his hands down Cam's back, slow and reluctant to let go. ]
C'mon, we gotta get you good and energized if we're gonna make the most of skipping work. [ A wolfish grin curls at the corners of his mouth. ] Especially since I'm all wound up from skipping my run.
[Does he have to specify which one? Cam climbs off Jeff's laps and returns to his stool, fingers drumming over the counter beside his place setting.
Cam drops a slipper off one foot to drag his toe innocently along Jeff's outer calf. When he's close enough to touch, Cam wants to touch him. When they're together he wants to be as together as they can be. In constant contact. Conversation. Cuddling. Sex.]
You'd better eat while you can. Another coffee and I'll be doing laps around you.
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no subject
It's a little bittersweet to hear. He wonders, sometimes, more often than he'd care to admit, whether he could've made it. If he had that lighting strike combo of skill, talent, and the 'it' factor, or if that crash and burn into failure was always inevitable. He would've fallen hard into addiction either way, he's sure. But the way Cam describes him, he thinks that version of Jeff Calhoun could've gone far.
Is it really recovery to give up such a big part of yourself?
He still can't stop thinking about that, even now. Even after last night's talk. The fucking forest... It stirred up so many things he thought were long gone and buried.
There's something like grief and regret that flickers across his face, just for a moment, before Jeff's shaking it off with a smile. ]
You might be the only person who remembers that version of me. [ A beat. ] I'm glad someone does.
[ This is in danger of getting too heavy for Jeff. Like he already had enough of the heavy shit last night, and he doesn't want to fling more at Cam.
So, teasingly: ] Hey... Don't I owe you a blowjob?
no subject
He's always felt a need to express himself, even at his own detriment. Cam is too much about communication to be happy withholding his thoughts and emotions from his partner.]
You're still that person, Jeff. We don't become other people as we get older. We simply expand and evolve. So now you're a rock-star, father, and teacher, which makes you even more interesting and attractive than you already were.
You've never been sexier.
[He punctuates that statement with a kiss to the tip of Jeff's nose, hands squeezing his shoulders.]
I would love a blowjob, but I think you owe me breakfast, first. I'll need my energy if you expect me to stay awake after coming so early in the morning.
[Stated very matter of factly. As one does when discussing morning sex.]
no subject
It's not an age thing. It's... the other stuff. You know?
[ The way the drugs and the demon tainted everything good about that period in his life. Still... He can't pretend it doesn't feel good, the hearing the way Cam sees him, then and now. Maybe his approach had been all wrong, burying that part of himself that wanted nothing more than to shine brighter than everyone else. ]
I guess I forgot the good things about the rock star. [ He leans up to kiss Cam, lips lingering close. ] Until you reminded me.
[ Pause. Oh, breakfast, right. ]
Oh, shit! The eggs, yeah! We gotta eat before it gets cold!
[ Sliding his hands down Cam's back, slow and reluctant to let go. ]
C'mon, we gotta get you good and energized if we're gonna make the most of skipping work. [ A wolfish grin curls at the corners of his mouth. ] Especially since I'm all wound up from skipping my run.
no subject
I think I just found my appetite.
[Does he have to specify which one? Cam climbs off Jeff's laps and returns to his stool, fingers drumming over the counter beside his place setting.
Cam drops a slipper off one foot to drag his toe innocently along Jeff's outer calf. When he's close enough to touch, Cam wants to touch him. When they're together he wants to be as together as they can be. In constant contact. Conversation. Cuddling. Sex.]
You'd better eat while you can. Another coffee and I'll be doing laps around you.