[ He manages to set his mug on the coffee table before Cam pulls him into a hug. Usually, Jeff's the one doing the holding and hugging. Not with Cam, but just. In the past, in his relationships or friendships or even the casual hookups. He's pretty good at being emotional support for others, he figures, and he keeps the really serious stuff so close to his chest that he doesn't often need to lean on others, anyway.
He hadn't realized just how badly he needed this until Cam's holding him, how much of a relief it is that he can just close his eyes and press his face to the other man's shoulder, breathe him in and listen to his words. He slips his arms around Cam, relaxing. It's a load off to just to be able to talk about this, not just with another person, but with Cam, specifically.
The only thing he says, he murmurs into Cam's shoulder: ] Music was my whole life. [ And after that thing was through with him, he had to make a life out of anything but music. And he tried to shrug off all the shit that was said in the forest, but he still can't shake the specter of himself, questioning if it's really recovery at all, when you deny what makes you you.
Jeff opens his eyes and lifts his head as Cam talks about his gift. He has little experience with Affinities, and shadow magic in particular... Cam's the only person he's ever even met who could use it. He'd only ever assumed it was about the same as any other Gifted person's magic.
He stares at Cam for a few moments, digesting that. Even if Cam's voice was soft, there's a weight to what he said, a significance to it that Jeff just wants to cherish. ] I don't know how you do it. [ There's awe and admiration, as if he's never met a man like Cameron Waltz before. ] How you can look at that kind of darkness and stand up to it.
[ Jeff never could. There's that deep, dark secret of his. The only reason the demon didn't get everything it wanted wasn't because Jeff was stronger than it; it was because he'd been too weak. Which he's thankful for, absolutely. But he'll never forget that he would have summoned it properly if he could've, if only to get it out of his goddamn head. ]
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He hadn't realized just how badly he needed this until Cam's holding him, how much of a relief it is that he can just close his eyes and press his face to the other man's shoulder, breathe him in and listen to his words. He slips his arms around Cam, relaxing. It's a load off to just to be able to talk about this, not just with another person, but with Cam, specifically.
The only thing he says, he murmurs into Cam's shoulder: ] Music was my whole life. [ And after that thing was through with him, he had to make a life out of anything but music. And he tried to shrug off all the shit that was said in the forest, but he still can't shake the specter of himself, questioning if it's really recovery at all, when you deny what makes you you.
Jeff opens his eyes and lifts his head as Cam talks about his gift. He has little experience with Affinities, and shadow magic in particular... Cam's the only person he's ever even met who could use it. He'd only ever assumed it was about the same as any other Gifted person's magic.
He stares at Cam for a few moments, digesting that. Even if Cam's voice was soft, there's a weight to what he said, a significance to it that Jeff just wants to cherish. ] I don't know how you do it. [ There's awe and admiration, as if he's never met a man like Cameron Waltz before. ] How you can look at that kind of darkness and stand up to it.
[ Jeff never could. There's that deep, dark secret of his. The only reason the demon didn't get everything it wanted wasn't because Jeff was stronger than it; it was because he'd been too weak. Which he's thankful for, absolutely. But he'll never forget that he would have summoned it properly if he could've, if only to get it out of his goddamn head. ]